Alan Ford

as Edna (voice)

as Cheese and Pineapple Hedgehog

as Mr. Pipkin

as Skats

as Narrator

as The Chairman

as Self

as Voice Over

as Burt

as Matthew

as Paul Hamilton

as Pim

as Alan the Fear Therapist

as Harry

as Ray Macguire

as Harry

as Max Korgen

as Carter

as Hansen

as Sibling

as Terry

as Sol

as Rick - Priest

as Harry

as Jefferies

as Brick Top Pullard (Snatch) (archive footage)

as Alan The East End Thug

as Jack Ely

as Brick Top

as Alan / Narrator

as Gaolor

as City Receptionist

as Adrian

as Terry Norton

as Gerald Nowell

as Geoff the Builder

as Warder

as First Villain

as Danvers

as Phil

as Barman

as Prison Officer

as Police Inspector

as Tommy

as Norman Danvers

as Father

as Ron Martin

as Harold

as Mr Sangers

as Nobby Wilson

as Leaded Billy

as Peters

as Sammy Kline

as Taxi Driver

as Jack Arthur Bross

as Giles Sawney

as Prowler

as Mr. Chancer

as Mr. Chancer

as Jack

as Bennett

as Sgt.

as Johnny James

as Bill

as Clifford Harding

as Bill

as Taff

as Leaded Billy

as Ken

as Mr. Chancer

as Sgt.

as Fire Man (uncredited)